Let’s talk about creating, dancing, and relaxing in non-verbal sexual tension can building up to getting the first kiss in the most natural, fun, and exciting way possible.
Having a great date or flirty interaction with a woman that results in a kiss, makeout, or more is about understanding how to dance. No, not literal dancing – dancing emotionally. Creating and playing with sexual tension and human connection. When you can truly look deep into someone’s eyes, hold that eye contact, and relax in your body, you’re going to start to feel this tension between you and the other person. Especially with a beautiful woman. You’ve got to be able to actually relax into it though and stay present – stay feeling your body (vs racing in your head about how uncomfortable or scary this is) – or it becomes anxiety, and then you’re not really available to connect with her anymore. And that comes off as very insecure and timid. Insecure and timid isn’t going to make a girl want to kiss you.
If you’re really getting good with women, you should start to enjoy tension (sexual, and otherwise, really) – be able to relax into it, enjoy it, and let yourself really feel it. Tension is like surfing. On a surfboard, you’ve got to be able to feel the movement and tension of the wave and adjust to it. That’s true in almost any sport: If you’re riding motocross, you’ve got to feel the bike, its balance, and the tension there. If you’re skydiving, you can fly through the air by adjusting your body and floating on the wind. Tension is everywhere – it’s also in communication: If you’re doing standup comedy or public speaking, you feel the tension with the audience and you have to bounce off of that and adjust.
When you’re talking to a girl, it’s the same thing. As you’re talking to her, you’re going to feel that tension building between the two of you. You’re job is to just step into the tension with her a little bit, hold it, and watch her. She might start to get more nervous, giggle, or look away. Your job is to relax into it. The more you relax into it, are patient, and give her some space without getting in your head to analyze or think a lot, the more she’ll relax. It might take a few seconds, 30 seconds, a minute, but she’ll start to relax. It might even take a few minutes, but just continue to enjoy the moment with her. Talk about whatever little things while holding that tension, because it’s the tension doing almost all of the work. As you step in again: Getting closer, pushing tension a little further, she’s going to start to enjoy it more and more. She’s going to get turned on. She may get nervous again, and your job, again, is to sit and stop right there like a train on a track and just relax a for little bit, let her get comfortable in it, and then move forward again. This is the buildup to kissing her for the first time.
You may find that some girls love tension. You start to push it, and all she does is look at you deeper – get more attracted, more turned on. That means you’re doing really well. Just realize that some girls are even a little better at this than you. Your job there is to relax into the tension even a little more. These women will be the ones who teach you to be more solid as a man.
If you keep working this tension like taffy, and you feel it: the eye contact between you and her, the touches between the two of you; you’re not thinking about it-you’re feeling it…then you two will pull closer and closer together and eventually you’ll kiss her. You just keep feeling, not analyzing or thinking at all, and enjoy that moment.
If you can’t feel sexual tension or tension in general – if you’re not aware of it or it’s confusing – it’s something you can totally learn. Click here to learn about my The Fearless Man Live seminar so you can start learning about tension: What it is to play and dance with sexual tension.
Because to a woman, the dance of tension is what it’s all about. That’s what she’s looking for when she goes on a date. That’s what she’s looking for when she meets you at a bar. That’s what she’s looking for before she’s going to let you kiss her.