If you don’t have a Valentine’s Day date this year, you have a great opportunity to go out and have a blast meeting women at the bar.
It’s pretty popular to harbor Nickleback-type annoyance with February 14th, but as Hallmark and 1-800-Flowers’ favorite holiday has arrived, many of those same annoyed people find themselves’ feeling cynical about their status as a single person. Even if they celebrate and are proud of being single for the rest of the year
But Valentine’s Day is a great night for singles at the bars – as long as you have the right attitude about it.
First of all, almost all the women out at bars and clubs on Valentine’s Day are going to be single, so that gives you an extra little filter for single women just by the fact that they’re there. Women with dates or exclusive boyfriends are going to be on dinner dates and then going home to make November babies…and if they have boyfriends but ARE at the bar and not on a date, that relationship may be coming to a quick end. (Hint, hint!)
Be Authentic, Be Confident, Be Direct
A lot of the women out at the bars won’t be overjoyed that they don’t have a boyfriend or date to share the evening with, so they’re likely to be extra receptive to the charming, FEARLESS Man you are. It’s a great night to practice your sexual tension skills and being direct right off the bat.
Being direct and bringing the sexual tension right away can do wonders! Most men are afraid to do that, so you’ll stand out for that reason by itself. And it calls out exactly why you’re talking to her so you’re not pussy-footing around your attraction for her.
Your friend-zone problems? No more-If she IS totally unavailable or absolutely not interested, being direct will make her tell you that right away so your time isn’t wasted. And it’s just very authentic, sets a sexual or flirty tone for your interaction, and comes off extremely confident with practice.
Be Specific, and then SLOW DOWN to let the Sexual Tension Simmer
When you approach her and give her the context of why you’re there, try to be specific with your compliments and telling her what you like about her.
Rather than just “You’re gorgeous,” tell her what genuinely draws you to her. A few examples:
Especially that last example shows you’re paying attention to her more than most men ever will.
You don’t have to give compliments or state your attraction as the first thing you say to her, but in general, the earlier on, the better.
If you do want to break the ice in a less tension-filled way, things like a light-hearted “Happy Anti-Valentines Day!” can be a great way to start conversations and own the elephant in the room.
When giving the compliment, you should clearly feel your turn-on for her – or at least your attraction to her – in your body. This will make your delivery much, much more powerful, confident, and sexy.
Throughout, as you’re giving compliments or telling her you like her, hold eye contact and let it breathe.
“Your curves…….make that dress..Just. Look. Killer.” Then shut up for a few seconds, keep holding eye contact, and keep feeling your attraction to her.
This kind of delivery amps up the sexual tension big-time and makes you come off as much more confident than if you rush through the compliment to get it over with and don’t hold eye contact. And it’s all that much more powerful on Valentine’s Day when maybe she hasn’t been flirted with at all yet – certainly not by a confidently bold man like yourself – and she’s got cinematic romance and sex fantasies right in the forefront of her mind.
Shamelessness will set you free…and let her get freaky!
Try not to seek approval in the way you talk to her. Don’t come from a timid state of mind that ultimately comes off in your tone of voice as “Do you like me?? Is what I’m saying ok?”
Come from a place of unapologetic self-confidence that says “I like you” without your tone of voice asking her if that’s ok.
Speaking of being unapologetic, the more shameless you are about flirting, being sexual with her, and sharing about sex, the more attractive you’ll be and more sexual she’s likely to be. We’re all sexual beings and sex is a normal, beautiful thing. The more you’re comfortable and relaxed about being sexual, the more women will be. If you’re nervous and ashamed or apologetic about sex, women are likely to be uncomfortable too. As (FEARLESS founder) Brian says, if you’re weird about it, they’ll be weird about it. If you’re normal, they’ll be normal.
Along the same lines, don’t put women in boxes or feel judged for being sexual or having fantasies. This is always an important rule, but the last thing a single woman wants to feel on Valentine’s Day is like she’s being judged for her sexual behavior.
Forget Trying So Hard – Make Boring Conversation Sexy
After you’ve made it clear that you’re attracted to her, you can have normal conversation much like you would with anyone else you’re meeting.
No, you don’t need a bunch of amazing, clever things to say or talk about with her! If those things happen organically, then great. But standard, getting-to-know-you conversation works just fine…when you continue to come from a place of feeling flirty, turned-on, and genuinely interested in her (sexually and as a person).
The more you really feel this way, the more the “same old” questions, answers, and conversation topics take on a whole new, sexy vibe.
Be a great listener. Really pay close attention to her to 1) pick up on subtleties and ask her questions other guys would never even think of and 2) get connected with her emotions – not just the words she’s saying. This also makes you seem more confident – and less self-absorbed – because you’re focused on her – not your nervousness or insecurities.
Touch her early and often. At first, you can touch her on the shoulder or the arm as you’re talking to her. Then, as things get more flirty, amp up your touching: Put your hand on her lower back, put your arm around her and pull her close….Do your best to be in the moment, feel what’s right, and take some risks. The more relaxed and comfortable you are about it, the more women will be. You’ll often be surprised with what you can get away with and what she’s receptive to.
If you feel clueless about picking up on when women like you, check out Brian and Yazz’ video breakdown of women’s subtle signals of attraction: 5 Ways to Tell if a Girl Likes You
Make it about more than “Picking Up Girls”
As always, you want to have fun first. Whether that’s bringing a friend with you or going to a bar or club with music you really love, you should be enjoying yourself regardless of the women. Some of our clients like to watch standup comedy or listen to music that puts them in a great mood before they even leave home. The better the mood you’re in and the more fun you’re having before you meet any women, the more attractive you become.
This is a lot…and we could write so much more. Read this a couple of times, but don’t get caught up in remembering it all when you go out on the 14th. These are some of the ideals, but you can often form great connections with women even when you’re not doing a lot of these things.
Have fun, be sexual, and remember it’s all a learning experience. Enjoy practicing something a lot of men won’t ever get honest with themselves and really work on.
And if you don’t go out a lot and the thought of doing any of this makes you totally overwhelmed, check out Social Confidence Building Exercises (part 1) | Inside FEARLESS #7 and start there when you get to the bar. Even if you’re somewhat accustomed to talking to women at bars, these exercises can be powerful to get your night on a roll.
A woman doesn’t go to the bar thinking “I hope no charming, confident guy sweeps me off my feet tonight!” Whether it’s just a simple, genuine compliment, a connection for a night, or the beginning of a relationship, go out and make a woman’s Valentine’s Day!