There are certain qualities that a man can exhibit that are universally attractive to women. Even if a man is not a woman’s particular “type,” if he has cultivated these qualities she will experience “turn-on” when in his presence. This mini-series is a primer to the 8 Qualities that I teach in depth during our live events.
Read about the first quality – Grounding – here.
Tension – What Is It / What Do I Mean?
Being a man who can handle and step into tension is another automatic turn on for women. It signals all the right things such as confidence, leadership, and being a protector. (Being a protector in today’s world is as much and often moreso about making people feel emotionally safe as physically safe.) Tension is usually created within your own body. There is nothing to be tense about in your day to day life unless you’re creating the issue – making something tense inside yourself.
We most often see life from the point of view of our own egos. Tension is the ego’s way of trying to protect itself from emotional stressors like failure, rejection, and abandonment. To the ego these things feel like death, and tension is your early warning system. However there is no emotion, no matter how unpleasant, that will cause you to die. A man who can step into the tension he feels is actively creating a bigger life for himself. It may mean the death of his ego and his former self, but that’s where the real growth begins.
Why It’s Important
Reactive guys tend to rush into tension and want to “just get it over with.” Women can pick up on this and although it’s better than running from and avoiding tension, these men are just doing a more active form of avoidance. They’re rushing through the moment to get rid of the feeling of tension as quickly as possible.
When you step into tension, you want to remain present with it as it comes up and let it flow down through you. Even if you “mess up” and feel embarassment, remaining present and grounded to the best of your ability goes a long way to breaking up energetic blocks.
Men who have mastered tension don’t experience that extreme, reactive anxiety very often. They can relax into their lives. They don’t need to rush through an approach with a women because they’re confident that the interaction will go well. And even if it doesn’t lead to attraction or a date, it’s not going to have a lasting effect on them. They will simply let go and move on.
How To Develop It
Relax Into Tension
This directly builds off the grounding practices in the first part of this series. Whenever you’re faced with tension, try to relax into it. Make this a regular practice. Seek to relax just a little bit more each time and you will grow more confident as you keep showing up to the challenges and tense moments in your daily life.
You may notice over time that what used to give you tons of anxiety now registers as a normal event. Your mind may always be leading you to the edge of your comfort zone and that’s a good thing, but make sure you take moments to pause, really enjoy, and reflect on the journey as you’re developing this quality.
Read about the next quality of confident, masculine men – being decisive – here.
