This is one of the areas that men are most curious about but often are afraid to ask me about. I want to dive into the topic a little bit and give you some new perspectives and concepts.
I titled this article “How To Get A Women Turned-On The Natural Way” because I want to challenge the notion that turning women on is about techniques. Instead, I want you to think about “turn-on” as something that happens naturally for both men and women all the time. Half the work for most men is learning how to recognize when the women you’re communicating with are already turned-on when talking to you.
With this in mind, we can refocus on just being the type of man who triggers turn-on in women all the time just by showing up and being present, instead of a man who has to “do” something.
The Deeper Level Of Turn-On
Triggering sexual turn-on is a process that happens at a very deep level of human interaction. It’s tied to tens of thousands years of genetic evolution and reproduction and is incredibly primal. I like to think about how in ancient times, different types of men in a tribe would stack up when it comes to attracting a mate.
I use this example of an ancient tribe because it puts us more in touch with a society where the stakes of survival were higher and everything in life was much more primal. The world was a more dangerous place and dying before passing on your genes was a real threat for most everyone. This is why women would look for certain traits when selecting a partner, like strength, confidence and groundedness, social power, or access to resources. Great hunters, warriors, and chiefs were highly valued.
Similarly, today women tend to value certain attributes in men over others. In fact, not much has changed in terms of turns women on except that now we express them differently to fit into our current world.
Think of three different men as potential suitors. Man 1 is typically nervous and bad with tension. He is afraid to move forward and commit to action. He always analyzes his options, which shows intelligence and planning, but does so to the point of fearful inaction. It’s unlikely that this man would be a first choice for a mate as he offers little in the way of security. This is key for a woman if she were to get pregnant and thus more vulnerable to harm. Remember, this is in a earlier human history where society had incredibly traditional gender roles. Today, we have a much looser concept of gender roles but generally we still have the same innate drives. Man 1 is just not an ideal choice, and he’d be passed over for another suitor.
Now consider Man 2. He is incredibly brash and strong. A great warrior and hunter who is always moving forward, but often to a fault. He can accomplish what needs to be done in the moment but his ungrounded emotions and lack of attention to the greater picture is puts him in danger of getting himself – and others around him – killed. He might be attractive to women in the tribe, but none of them think he’s a good long term investment. Any day on this earth might be his last!
Finally there is Man 3. He’s a combination of the best of Man 1 and Man 2. He has the ability to step into tension and accomplish like Man 2, but he has enough of Man 1’s healthy restraint to hold back when necessary. This is the modern day equivalent of a man who is comfortable with his own power and not afraid to use it, but also has enough deference to know when it’s time to be more receptive. Man 3 has balance and signals all the right things to a woman in the tribe: he’ll be able to protect her during pregnancy and is more likely stick around to help her raise and provide for the children. (Remember, this is just an example. I’m not necessarily advocating children as a goal for anyone’s relationship. That’s a different topic all together.) The key takeaway is that these ancient drives still affect and influence our behavior when it comes to attraction and sex.
In part two, (I’ll publish that on Monday, 11/27) I’ll get into how you can work on naturally showing up as your own version of Man 3.
And I hope you’ll consider joining me at my next “The Fearless Man Live” seminar! For two days, we’ll dive deep into fear, getting good with tension, confidence, women, sex, success, and more. And in the evenings, you’ll have a group of like-minded men and some of our coaches to take you out and get you practicing, pushing your boundaries, and progressing right away. Tickets are very affordable. Check out the event now.